It’s been over two months since I last posted. My brain is still mired in October, the month in which I had to scrap Touch for a third time and start it from the beginning. Again. In a week, it’ll be Christmas. Did I mention I’m still mentally stuck in October, the month of doom?
So: an explanation for my absence. It’s unlikely to be short.
I am on-line in various places because I write. And because I want to be accessible to people who read what I write. I am known to tweet, to post occasionally on Facebook, to blog. I reasonably feel that people who otherwise don’t know me seek me out because they like my writing, and this makes me happy.
But. (You knew there was a but, right?)
Writing is not an exact science. I’m from the butt-in-chair school of writing because that’s what works for me. Except when it doesn’t, and I write pages of book that don’t actually work; they almost work. I have written more words on Touch than I have on any Cast novel, and in the end, it’s been one circular train that has delayed every other word I need to write. This is not meant to be a plea for sympathy; it’s honestly meant to be an explanation. Writing is sometimes extremely difficult — but any job is sometimes extremely difficult.
When the writing has been disastrous from a subjective point of view (being mine), I feel incompetent. Since no book is ever entirely smooth, and since writers can be famously angsty while actually writing those books, a certain amount of despair and gloom is pretty much a daily occurrence. So, too, are the highs when a book comes together and everything sings.
When it’s been gloom and a sense of certain failure for a longer period, though, I begin to feel like a pretender. I don’t feel like a real writer. I am certain that I’m failing my book, and by extension, I’m failing my readers. I go back to the book. I revise. I rewrite. I give myself an ulcer trying to make it work. Three times in my writing career, I’ve nuked a book to ground zero and rebuilt it from page one. I’ve never done that more than once for any other book – before now. (My oldest son claims I’m not entirely objective about my own work, go figure.)
I don’t want this to be the doom-and-gloom corner of the universe, though. It’s just that I reach a point where I feel like I’m failing so badly I don’t really feel like I am the writer that people are coming to connect with. I don’t have news, or at any rate good news, to share. I start to avoid the on-line world – because no one wants to be a disappointment! – until I have beaten either myself or my book into shape.
So, apologies. I am still writing. I am still here.
And: I don’t have a cover for Battle that I can actually post here. I have a small picture, but not the larger one I usually post; this is in part because I have been hiding in my cave and pulling all my hair out and pretending it’s still October. Don’t ask about Christmas shopping; I’ll only cry. I hope to remedy the lack of cover soon, because yes, the book is due out any minute.
I do, however, have a sample chapter. Or in this case, a prologue and the first chapter.
Hilda 
Joey 
AKKat 
Asara Wexler 
Anne 
jamie coady 
Tchula 
Rasmusb 
Agustine 
Tina Moran 
Alan 
Ralph Walker 
Mark Galpin 
Tasia 
sivi sivanesan 
Belkis Lamar 
Suzy 
Klara Lammers 
shauntel 
Chris 
Anon 
katherine 
kitty 
David Y 
Sasha 
Sarah 
Jess 
Erin 
Sabrina Irwin 
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Hi Michelle!
So sorry to hear Touch is giving you troubles. :( I know you’ll be able to kick it’s butt. The words will come when they are ready, The final product will be phenomenal. Your books always are, and I don’t say this to pressure you, but to make you smile and know your readers love your work. The worlds and characters you create are inspirational. Your books are impossible to put down and are on the Read Many Many Times Shelf.
Deep breaths! Think happy thoughts!
If you need a smile, remember me from WFC, you neighbor and uber fan. I still squee when I tell people I met you. :) Hopefully I will have the pleasure to do so again one day, and won’t blush as much.
Hugs and rainbows!
Jen