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Random Amusements...

humour fun stuff

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127 replies to this topic
  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

Since we might as well establish a place for the comedic or bizarre uplifting things on the internet...

 

 

evilhat.jpg

 

Although since this is an author related forum, maybe I should go with the literature fun..

 

GeorgeMartinTwitter_zps0c2fe641.jpg

 

And..

 

GandalfOneShade_zps40827814.png

 


Posted 28 August 2013 - 09:32 PM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationUK

Just because..........and who has not dreamed of it.......

Attached Files


Posted 29 August 2013 - 10:59 AM


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

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Posted 30 August 2013 - 04:03 PM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationUK

I'll freely admit my keyboard skills are not quite what they should be......hence the copy and paste entry below.......I found this on Tumblr and it makes me laugh............

 

 

 

 

 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

    These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!
    _______________________________
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    _________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget..
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Getting laid
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death..
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral…
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

    ______________________________________
    And last:

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No..
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 


Posted 31 August 2013 - 07:31 PM


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

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Posted 01 September 2013 - 08:08 PM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

Oh, and for the wander into Warhammer 40k Territory...

 

thousand_sons_motivator_by_lpfan2000-d5d


Posted 01 September 2013 - 08:08 PM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

LabourDay_zps8185447a.jpg


Posted 02 September 2013 - 04:06 PM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

OptimistPessimistGamer.jpg

 

 

And on how to cause a geek meltdown:

HowtoMakeaGeeksHeadExplode.jpg

 

Or

OffendGeekGroups_zps2fc2172f.jpg


Posted 06 September 2013 - 09:56 PM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationUK

The best life philosophy ever........

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Posted 07 September 2013 - 03:22 PM


  • LocationUK

Still not brilliant at posting pics.........it is a work in progress........

 

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I prefer to order a pizza when someone rings.........now that does throw them....... :)


Posted 07 September 2013 - 03:25 PM


  • LocationUK

 

 

 

And on how to cause a geek meltdown

OffendGeekGroups_zps2fc2172f.jpg

 

 

surely this would be 5 fandoms.......Gurney Halick......did I spell that correctly?


Posted 07 September 2013 - 04:53 PM


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

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Posted 11 September 2013 - 05:00 PM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

AlwatsADragon_zps1913e2b1.jpg


Posted 11 September 2013 - 05:01 PM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationToronto

Okay, this one is perfect :).


Posted 13 September 2013 - 12:54 AM


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

I shall endeavour to find more such ... ;)

 

GandalfAndMagneto.jpg


Posted 13 September 2013 - 08:40 AM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

multi-class.jpg


Posted 13 September 2013 - 08:41 AM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

GandalJerk_zps15de1639.jpg


Posted 13 September 2013 - 08:43 AM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationUK

This always provokes a smile..........

 

 

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Posted 13 September 2013 - 02:27 PM


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

For the Doctor Who fans out there..

 

51stCentury_zps75d0b444.jpg


Posted 14 September 2013 - 03:53 PM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

Frankly, because I had to..

 


Posted 18 September 2013 - 03:37 PM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"





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