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The Dungeon......

annoying moaning venting ones spleen the stubbed toe room the barked shin

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  • LocationA dry lakebed high in the mountains

Anyhow, I have to say the whole road into this year has been a touch odd.
 
So my mother was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer after spending most of Christmas in hospital, and is currently undergoing chemo for it which seems to be keeping it from progressing. Originally the doctors weren't that sure of letting her go on with chemo due to all the other medical issues she's been suffering from, but as she put it to them it was more a case of "Okay, put me on chemo and I'll probably feel bad, in more pain then I am at the moment, and I might possibly die or.. you don't put me on chemo, in which case I'll feel bad, have even more pain, and die." She's actually gone with the whole "I haven't asked for a time frame, I don't want to know. I just want to make sure I get to Christmas so we can have a proper family time together which we missed with me in hospital this time around."
 
Which generally adds some pressure to life in general and made me sit down and consider things. I mean, let me paint a picture here. I dropped out of my final year of university to become the primary carer for my mother. Everybody else in the family was buried with work, and it seemed to make sense at the time that the person not yet working would be the best one for the job. So I ended up loitering around at home and being her safety net, pack mule, extra pair of hands, what have you. Which meant chunks of my day were also sat around reading, and poking on the internet and such like while making sure I was on-hand when she needed. Some days it was more than others, but that's pretty much how I spent the last 15 years. I'm kind of suddenly hitting that "oh crap, my life has sort of shot by, and odds are, mom isn't actually going to be around for that much longer in the grand scheme of things, and my CV is pretty much 'Cared for his Mother' for half my life." This does not really provide good future prospects. And really, while it's one thing to do it for family, there is no way I could make a career out of it with strangers. Just ick.
I've tried juggling in a few research jobs that I've been involved in, over the past few years. Things I've been able to do from home, but they don't exactly pack much of a zing, even if they do provide references that aren't my mother.... But that's not exactly something you can push forward to break into the job market with.
 
Which leaves me circling around. I have to figure out some way to appropriately jump start my life and work, while balancing the still providing care and support for an already disabled parent going through serious cancer. Okay, to be fair my dad is now leaping in to providing help, but he's also got a fair chunk of passive-aggressive issues and his way is always the right way even though I've been doing it for 15 years. So again, issues. But oy vey. Every now and then you just have to stop and try to take a breath and figure out where the hell you are.


Most of my job experience is 'mommy.' It does not, exactly look stunning on the resume/CV but, is a very important job. Sounds like you are in the opposite situation, but no less important.

If you are asking what I think you are asking, have you looked into volunteering? It can give you some references, and some experience, while not being full time, or high pressure. They are also very understanding about taking time off.

Posted 17 May 2015 - 07:58 AM

~@~ Aquilegia is the genus name of the columbine, my favorite flower. They look like they must have faries living nearby.~@~

~@~My avatar picture is from the painting A Place of Her Own, by James C Christensen.~@~


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

Well, the cancer and continuing medical conditions finally hit their peak last week and my mother passed on in that grand journey. So it's been the running day by day juggling things with my father and sister to get everything sorted. Funeral plans and all the rest of that needed legal issues that result from bereavement.

Now after having spent the last fifteen years as her carer, and having had that as a central piece of my life I have to re-figure who I am without that and where I'm going from here. I've tried doing some stab at that over the previous month but in and out of hospital and respite care visits tend to drag focus away from that. I guess it's get through the funeral process , the sorting out of the house, and then try to focus more on what my future holds.


Posted 16 August 2015 - 11:25 AM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"


  • LocationBronx, NY

Well, the cancer and continuing medical conditions finally hit their peak last week and my mother passed on in that grand journey. So it's been the running day by day juggling things with my father and sister to get everything sorted. Funeral plans and all the rest of that needed legal issues that result from bereavement.

Now after having spent the last fifteen years as her carer, and having had that as a central piece of my life I have to re-figure who I am without that and where I'm going from here. I've tried doing some stab at that over the previous month but in and out of hospital and respite care visits tend to drag focus away from that. I guess it's get through the funeral process , the sorting out of the house, and then try to focus more on what my future holds.

So sorry to hear Ehtiar. Loss of a parent can be devastating (I know both of mine have passed on) and must be especially hard for you being her primary carer. Just to let you know that my thoughts and wishes are with you.


Posted 20 August 2015 - 03:43 PM


  • LocationDeepest, Darkest, South of England

Hit the first anniversary of my mother's passing. I have to admit, I really did think I'd have managed to get somewhere by now. Job hunts slide into the awkward when your IT and Business skills are 15 years out of date, and all of the government grants for education seem to fall in the "you can get them if you're not over 24" and you have no money to take any of the actually useful courses.

Well I've been continue to hammer away on the attempt to get my life restarted and once more into the working world. Which keeps hitting a wall. I will also admit that I'm definitely sliding into that partially resentful feel over half my life having disappeared as her carer because it's left me in this position. Which then adds a touch of guilt because I recognise that resentment kicking in after the fact.

However, for the chance of doing something useful I'll be starting a work placement with a charity group for the next 8 weeks. What's supposed to be a mix of business, book keeping, research, marketing, minor IT stuff and bid writing.


Posted 20 August 2016 - 07:44 PM

"Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis"






Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: annoying, moaning, venting ones spleen, the stubbed toe room, the barked shin

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